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Generally bored and otherwise disinterested BBQ'd Iguana fans were shocked into consciousness last Wednesday, when the Reptiles pulled a rare 18-5 win from the dumpster over Tractor Trash.
-Adolph G.(3B) set the record for the shortest slide in Lizard history when he came to an abrupt stop, like a piece of velcro on a knit jersey, and found himself atop the plate during a scoring play at home. Coaches had already dialed 911 from the dugout to summon EMS help when Adolph arose with only a bruised ego. -Ray D.(CF) set the record for the worlds shortest hit of a softball when his swing left the ball at his feet, but in fair territory. Officials estimated the hit travelled almost the distance of Ray's actual shoe size leaving Trash defenders laughing so hard that no one remembered to make the play at first. -Lori S.(1B) set two Lizard defensive records. The first for the most diving, rolling, get dirty catches at first base (at least four). Lori also set the record for the longest throw from a kneeling position when she half dived and half fell to her knees to stop a worm burner, but recovered in time to throw a runner out at second.
-Always there Rick K.(SS) made the mark for the best tackle of a base runner when he collided with a Trash person while making a tag at second. Rick was given a second award for yet another collision as a base runner at third, but the sensitive Lizard explained he just felt a lot of love in the air and was only trying to make friends.
-Cindy Mc.(R) was applauded for being in or near her correct position in the outfield most of the time. She was also mentioned for standing like a block of granite to take a 3 and 1 pitch, walk and later score.
-Sandy L.(R) set the record for forgetfulness by a Lizard when she drove to Gunn only to discover she had forgotten her glove. Sandy returned home, retrieved the mitt and made it back just in time for the first pitch. She was benched for the first part of the game. -Gilberto S.(P) received honorable mention for the return of his big bat when he took a Trash pitch to the center field wall for a base clearing three bagger. Gilberto blamed bad luck and witchcraft by other teams for his recent hitting slump, but I don't know.
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"Yeah
well don't get your hopes up," said the seldom optimistic
coach. "Remember we're in our tenth rebuilding year. I think
the Tractors must of just stripped a couple of gears. I thought
they'd make refuse out of us, but I guess they decided to recycle
a few hits for other teams who may be more of a challenge."
Despite the Lizard leader's usual doom and gloom attitude, the
Iguanas showed rare good form especially at the plate. Lizard
hits bounced past infielders and over outfielders like no other
time this season. In addition several Reptiles set personal best
records.
-Irish
Lizard Eric M.(CF) set the record for the deepest outfield catch
by a foreign born Reptile, when he snagged a lofting fly ball
with his back to the center field wall. Eric also set a record
for getting closest to the batter's box without actually batting,
when the last Lizard out was retired for the night as he waited
on deck for his first trip to the plate.
-Dangerous
Dan C.(LF) achieved personal best records at the plate and in
left. Dan, batting clean-up for the first time this season, connected
for several two baggers, driving in the first two runs of the
game followed by many more. In left, Dan overcame an injury to
his catching hand to make several snags and many long, accurate
throws holding Trash runners on base. Dan also received honorable
mention for the dirtiest uniform with skid marks and sand stains
dominating his post game look.
-Stalwart
Paul B.(SS) showed amazing style and hustle at short, and achieved
his first inside-the-park, one run homer with a smash to deep
left center. Paul was cited by Park Rangers for exceeding the
posted speed limit as he rounded second. However, they withdrew
the ticket when his drag chute popped early, slowing Paul to a
near walk several feet from the plate. A hair dressers group in
the crowd later gave the shortstop a special mousse award, when
his hair remained perfect during the entire sprint.
-Pitcher
Mike A. was given honorable mention for the skinniest legs on
a Reptile. Mike, who came in as the closer in Wednesday's contest,
was later mistaken to be a grackle and almost trapped by Gunn
Park cleaning crews due to his black leggings.
-Stacy
T.(2B) and Mary S.(RF) shared a record for the most colorful language
by Reptiles when they shouted chastising and descriptive remarks
from the safety of the dugout during a Trash - Reptile altercation.
-First
timer Pat F.(fan) joined regular Gary R.(fan) to double the size
of the loyal Reptile crowd. The pair showed up late, however,
and missed the majority of the Lizard scores. Gunn reported a
slump in beverage sales until the duo arrived.
-An
unknown heckler in Wednesday night's crowd received notice for
vocalizing the stupidest, rudest, most inappropriate remarks with
racial overtones ever to come from the mouth of even an intoxicated
human. Excluding the racial part, several Reptiles placed second.
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