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Uh..no,
I'm not the coach.
|
"I think they were using
loaded balls. Flys and line drives were coming at
us like cannon fodder. It was dangerous out there.
This is another example of the need for parity in
this league. The rich clubs like those peanut
peddlers have all the long ball hitters and some
pretty spiffy looking jerseys, too with numbers and
everything. What can you expect a bunch of lizards
to do against a gang of pampered ringers like
that," whined the Iguana coach, after the 19-6
spanking suffered by the Lizards at the hands of
Mixed Nuts. "I'm not sure what they are mixing with
those nuts, but I think it must be some sort of
performance enhancing substance. At least my
players stick to the recreational use of muscle
relaxers. No body can accuse us of doing anything
to improve our performance, and I am very proud of
that."
Show
me the money!!!
|
"Hell, I dunno what was
going on out there. I just showed up 'cause they
finally got the beer sales started," explained
Lizard Rick K.(SS). Rick was awarded the Reptile
game ball when he came closer to catching a fly
ball than any other Iguana. "My teammates don't
have to worry, 'cause I am not going to let this
award go to my head. I will still be the same sweet
Lizard I've always been, as long as everybody stays
out of my way. Uh excuse me, but how much did you
say I am being paid for this interview?"
|
Beer...yes...Beer...yes...Beer....
|
"Well, the way I see it,
this is kinda like back to normal for us," analyzed
Mary S.(LC). "This is the way it was last year.
Pain, agony, shame, disgust, and once the game
starts things really get ugly."
Poster
child wannabes for
MADD...
|
"I think it is more than
just coincidence that the very night they start
selling beer at the ball park, is the beginning of
our seasonal nose dive," outlined Will B.(SS). "I
know I feel like my pants were taken down in front
of both our fans, and that always leaves me red
faced."
"Well I'm not really
worried," misled Michelle A.(2B). "This is the kind
of team that always pulls together. You know, when
the going gets tuff and all that. We just reach
deep down inside and pull out our hearts, and stick
together and that kinda stuff. I know I wish I
could be a part of it, but it just so happens that
I have schedule conflicts with all the remaining 11
games."
Ugly rumors of runs
shaving ran rampant when Michelle was seen hugging
the Nuts catcher. "She was just a friend from
college. I wasn't influenced by their offer of a
big cash bonus and a Nuts contract for next year. I
will always be an Iguana until these teams start
talking real money."
Other
Lizard licks included,
Nectar
of the Gods...
|
Mummie...
|
New
Iggie beer spokeswoman?
|
ESPN officially canceled the
weekly presentation of the Iguana highlight film
after this week's 19-6 strumming. "We looked
through our videotape and could not find enough
footage for even the introduction. So we said the
hell with it," an unnamed former ESPN official
said.
Next
Reptilian Rassle
Wednesday,
April 1st vs The Mac 8:30 pm
Out of town:
Ray
D. and Adolph G.
Attendance was
good at the Mixed Nuts game, however,
several Lizards had to be tackled and
restrained when they tried to sneak out of
the spanking early.
Please try to
let me know as far in advance as possible
if you cannot attend
rh
821-6006
|
It's
spelled
"b-r-i-b-e"
|
|
