May 6, 2008

My kids and wife love to watch "Dancing with the Stars" - I used to watch it but no more. See, the show is set up as Competition on Mondays and then Results on Tuesdays. I'm usually working on something in my study but last Tuesday my wife screamed for me to come see who was going to be the Guest Musical Star. They try to break up the routine of the show by having a Guest sing a popular song while the professional dancers perform.

With a wave of my left hand I tried to dismiss the calls of my wife but she kept insisting I come see who was going to be on. I sighed, saved my work then pushed back from my desk. As I got up, I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose while heading towards the living room - allowing my ears to pick up the faint sounds of a familiar band. Drums, guitars and a raspy voice. Hmmm...cool beat...the song name was just barely coming to mind when I recognized it. My eyes snapped completely open and my pace quickened. Did I just hear the chorus, "Pour some Sugar on me?!"

"No, no, no," I muttered.

I almost sat on my daughter as I rushed to the sofa. I glanced up at the TV and my worst fears were confirmed. It was Def Leppard! Performing on a Ballroom Dancing competition show! I sat there, mouth agape trying to comprehend what I was seeing...and hearing.

A dichotomy of emotions exploded in my head, heart and soul.

• Rock Band - Ballroom Dancers
• Bare-chested Lead Guitar player - Backless sequence dress
• Left hand with a skull ring, clutching a microphone - Dancers with white gloves snapping their heads in the direction they where moving
• Smoke and dark sunglasses - Dancers with heavy make up and bright white smiles

"Oh my god..." I whispered as I turned to look at my wife. She was grinning ear to ear - watching me - not the TV...she was enjoying this.

I hung my head. Maybe I could block out this horrible vision by examining the carpet fibers beneath my feet...is that a Cheerio, a raisin - who had trimmed their toenails?

It didn't help - the chorus sounded and like a moth drawn to a flame, I looked back to the TV. There they were, an iconic Rock band from my youth, belting out one of my favorite songs, on a multi-colored disco lit stage with tanned professional ballroom Dancers gliding effortlessly across the floor - the entire sequence captured by an overhead camera boom.

What had this world come to?

Disgusted by what I was seeing, I snorted, threw my hands up and headed back to my study - much to the chagrin of my wife.

I hadn't thought of that traumatic moment until this morning - when while driving to work - Def Leppard came on the radio. It was that same song...my eyes snapped to the radio console...my heart raced... my knuckles turned white as I gripped the steering wheel tighter and tighter. I took deep breaths and began singing out loud hoping the sound of my voice would purge the awful memory I had tried so hard to bury in my mind. I thought about closing my eyes but I was driving. I was reliving that horrible moment from last week when I felt like Phoebe from "Friends."

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Def Leppard sold out - and they took a big piece of my life with them.

G-man